his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
