i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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