Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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