i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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