i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
