Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
