coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
