we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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