God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
