dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
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hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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