My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
