i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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