Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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