He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
