I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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