The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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