sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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