What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
