Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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