check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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