you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
