just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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