Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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