you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize