did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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