Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
