Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
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We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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