just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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