Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
