Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
