i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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