He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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