I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
