Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
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This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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