Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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