Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
