I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
