Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have already put on my inside pants.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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