i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
