i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
