My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
