i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
