i was rollin on her like bob the builder
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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