walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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