I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize