Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
