everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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