Having a random hookup so left but love u
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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