First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
