you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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