She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
