Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
