Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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