Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
