Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
