Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
