Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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