I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
