I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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