Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
