Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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