shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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