so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
