You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
