12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
